Ups and Downs
by Invader Johnny
Summary: <html><head></head>Every relationship has it's ups and downs, both girls find that out the hard way when Tori goes through a dark time and Jade being there to try and stop it, established Jori.</html>
1. Religion

_**Title: Ups and Downs**_

_**Writer: Invader Johnny**_

_**Disclaimer: Victorious belongs to Dan, I own squat!**_

_**Plot: Every relationship has it's ups and downs, both girls find that out the hard way when Tori goes through a dark time and Jade being there to try and stop it, established Jori.**_

_**Author Notes: What can I tell you about this story? Originally this was meant to be a part of my "50 Shades of Jori" sequel I was writing but kinda grew into its own thing, that being said, this story will take place in the same universe as my "50 shades" fic and I will eventually post said sequel.**_

_**Anyways read, review and most of all enjoy it!**_

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><p>Tori was sitting on the couch, watching a movie or rather, <em>hearing<em> the movie, she was far more preoccupied with her phone and the text messages she was receiving every ten seconds.

_**"Why are you over at Robbie's watching the movie when you could be here watching it with me?" **_Tori wrote and sent.

A few seconds later she received a reply.

**_"Because Robbie won't try to make out with me every minute of the movie, and even if he did I would sew his lips shut slowly and painfully!"_**

Tori smiled, Jade really became an influence on her.

**_"I love you Vega, I really do but if we stay in the same room whenever there's something good on TV then I'll miss all the gory stuff"_**

Tori smiled, she knew Robbie and Jade were only friends, even if the term was loosely used and in fact had no trouble with them spending time together, especially after she found out that her girlfriend had a geeky side, she figured why not let her enjoy it with the only person in the group who shared her not so secret likings at least no longer a secret to the tanned girl.

**_"Jade, there's nothing gory about Planet of the Rats"_** She wrote back.

**_"Keep watching Vega"_**

**_"I will West"_**

**_"You better"_**

Tori looked at the movie, nothing much had happened, at least not something out of what she already knew from the plot, some astronauts landed on a distant planet where there was a primitive civilization of giant rats and from the looks of it they weren't exactly_ kind_ to humans.

Before she could really questioned why Jade liked this movie so much aside from being disgusting a knock on the door was heard.

"It's open!" Tori yelled out not looking up from her cell but still somehow paying attention to the film, but had she taken the time to notice who exactly entered her house, then the mood would have changed drastically

**_"Why do u think rats were chosen for the movie?"_**

**_"Maybe as ironic twist?"_** Jade guessed **_"I mean humans experiment on rats in real life, in the movie the shoe's on the other foot"_**

**_"I guess that makes sense"_**

_**"Damn right it does"** _The Goth wrote back**_ "Now be quiet the best part's coming up"_**

**_"I'll be sure to cover my eyes then"_**

**_"You baby"_**

**_"Says the woman who was to afraid to hold a snake"_**

_**"NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!"**_

Tori snickered _**"It's ok, you still are big bad Jade West to me"**_

_**"Don't patronize me Vega"**_

"Hello Tori"

The teenager's eyes widened, she knew that voice, anywhere Tori slowly moved eye eyes away from her phone to be greeted by the last person she wanted to see, _ever_.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Tori asked darkly.

"Is that any way to talk to your mom?" Holly said condescendingly.

"You're not my mom!" The girl snapped "My mom would have accepted me and loved me; _you_ are just the woman who gave birth to me, nothing more"

"Tori, I didn't come here to fight"

"I don't care what you're here to do!" She bellowed **_"GET OUT!"_**

"Baby hear me out"

"I heard enough when you kicked me out a few months ago" Tori hissed "And I have no intention to hear what you have to say _now_!"

"Ok I'll admit I didn't handle your sexual orientation very well"

"You _think_?" Tori said with a snarky tone that would make Jade proud.

"But in my defense I was not expecting it" Holly tried to say calmly but bits of irritation could be heard in her voice "It's not every day you hear your daughter telling you she's into girls"

"Well there isn't exactly a manual you can use to come out of the closet now is there?"

"No I suppose there isn't" Holly agreed "But we're getting off topic Tori, I want to apologize for that, you're my daughter and I should not have called you an accident"

"Well the damage is done" Tori pointed out "You can't just apologize and expect me to forgive you or forget what you did to me for that matter, it doesn't work like that"

"I know, I know and I don't expect you to do so but maybe we still can be a family again" Holly said hopefully "Tori you're my little girl, I remembered that when you had a problem you always came to me for guidance, when you wanted to ride a bike for the first time or when you wanted to talk to me about when something was bothering you, I was always there to listen, and well I miss that, you always trusted me with your little secrets"

"But apparently when I wanted to tell you about a **_part_** of myself you couldn't accept me for me now could you?"

"Ok your hurt, I understand but _please_ baby, I want us to be tight again, I miss you, don't you miss me?"

"A bit"

"So I ask you Tori, to give me the chance to make things right between us"

The younger Vega warily looked at her mother "I don't know"

"What do you have to lose baby?"

"I guess that's true"

"So what do you say?"

"Wouldn't hurt to try"

Holly widened her mouth, a smile slowly forming, she then opened her arms widely inviting her daughter for a hug, Tori reluctantly accepted it, as both Vega women were hugging the younger one of the two noticed someone was watching them from the other side of the door.

She slowly broke the hug with her mother when she noticed exactly who was watching them.

A priest

Tori looked at the man who only stared back with utter disdain; clearly this priest was one close minded individual who condemned those who didn't follow the bible to the letter.

The tanned girl looked at the tall man and then at her mother, one thought came to mind "You think he can pray the gay away"

"Tori just hear him out I'm sure he can make..."

"Get out"

"It's for your own good…"

"Get out!"

"You got to know this isn't right!"

**_"GET THE HELL OUT!"_** Tori bellowed angrily "Don't make me call the cops"

Her mother walked out the door "What happened to giving me a chance?"

"That was before I knew you had a reason for coming here" She replied darkly "Dont _ever_ talk to me again!"

"Baby.. I was only.."

"Trying to change me" Tori finished "Get out, I'm death serious about calling the police"

"Tori... _Please_"

"I hate to see dad having to arrest his ex-wife" The girl said ominously.

The threats was clear, Holly reluctantly admitted defeat and walked out.

As soon as the woman left, Tori slammed the door and began to cry, she wasn't about to give her mother the satisfaction of seeing how much this affected her.

Slowly she made her way to the couch where her forgotten phone laid, noticing she had several text messages from her girlfriend.

_**"Let me guess, you changed the channel"**_

_**"Tori?"**_

_**"Did the movie render you mute now?"**_

_**"Vega, this isnt funny, answer me now!"**_

Tori felt like she had been stabbed in the heart, after several more minutes she finally answered.

_**"Can you come over? I don't want to be alone"**_

_**"What happened?"**_

_**"My mom happened"**_

_**'I'll be there in ten minutes"**_

_**"Thank you"**_

That night despite being a minor, Tori started drinking.

Jade never forgave Holly for what she did to her girlfriend.

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Here it is, the first part, this story won't be long, maybe around 3-4 chapters.<span>_**

**_Sad I know, this is why I'm atheist, religion can put families apart._**

**_Anyways, what do you think of it so far?_**

**_And five points to whoever catches the Invader Zim reference._**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	2. Intervention

**_Disclaimer: Do we really need this? What? We do? Ok then, Victorious belongs to Dan, I own squat!_**

**_Author Notes: Here is part 2, be warned, wasted Tori ahead!_**

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><p>"I got to go" Jade told Robbie very quickly, putting things into her bag as she spoke.<p>

"Why, what happened?" He asked "The movie was getting good"

"We can download it later!" The Goth snapped "Right now Tori needs me!"

"Is she ok?"

"Well, her mom showed up, **_what do you think?_**"

"Oh, uh _bad_?"

Jade glared at the boy "Considering I need to see my girlfriend right now I'll let your stupidity slide **_this time_**"

Robbie shut his mouth as he watched his scary friend slam the door.

His father walked in, having seen what happened and told his son with utter contempt "You're an **_embarrassment_** to the Shapiro name"

Robbie lowered his head in utter shame "I know"

* * *

><p>Jade drove over to Tori's house as quickly as she possibly could, she ignored all traffic signs and kept going, she was<em> sure<em> she heard a few crashes as she made her way to her girlfriend's place, but she hardly cared.

The Goth pressed her knuckles on the steering wheel, not wanting to even _think_ the emotional despair Tori was feeling right now, once she made it to the Vega residence, Jade parked her car in the driveway and walked towards the front door.

Before she could even knock, the door hastily opened and Jade got the shock of her young life.

_"Oh god"_

Tori stood in the doorway and took a long drink of a bottle of vodka before moving aside, "How are you Jadey? The Latina greeted a bit buzzed "I was waiting for you"

A sudden realization that Tori was already drunk struck the Goth, Jade was amazed that her girlfriend got wasted so quickly, but removed that thought from her mind and decidedly grabbed the bottle from the Latina's left hand.

"Hey that's mine!" Tori said, in a half-slurred voice.

"Vega, what in the blue fuck where you thinking?!" Jade asked angrily "Do you realize how much trouble you'll be if you dad sees you been drinking!"

"Well my dad's not here now is he?" Tori hiccupped, staggering to the couch and plopping on it. In front of her, on the coffee table was a six pack that Tori has not even opened, but it worried the pale teen how much liquor Tori managed to acquire.

There was also a half-eaten sandwich and several photos of Holly Vega that Tori had been shredding for who knows how long.

"I hate you" Tori slurred to a photo of her mother "You hurt me"

Jade's eyes softened, while in pain, her girlfriend turned to a terrible mess.

"Gimme back my Tequila Jade!"

"It's Vodka, Vega!"

"Potatoe, potato!" Tori snapped "Now give it!"

_**"NO!"**_

"Why not?" Tori asked bitterly "I thought you loved me!"

"And I do!" She shrieked back "That's why I'm not letting you drink anymore poison for your liver!"

"I'm fine!" Tori snapped "Now let me have my Vodka!"

"Vega you are anything **_but_** fine!" Jade said back "For God's sake! Your eyes are fucking red, your breath _reeks_ of alcohol and I'm pretty sure you are going to have a big ass hangover when you wake up tomorrow!"

Tori, who was drunkenly swaying from side to side, got closer to her girlfriend, almost as if it was an attempt to look sexy and try to seduce her into giving her the alcohol.

"Make love to me"

**_"WHAT?!"_**

"Make love to me" Tori repeated.

"Tori you aren't thinking right"

"Oh I am" She said drunkenly as she got closer to the Goth "You never looked hotter"

"Vega I am not going to have sex with you!" Jade said "You are**_ not_** in your right mind, this is the alcohol talking!"

"Well Jade, the thing is I'm too fucking drunk to give a rat's ass." Tori said as she drunkenly poked her finger into Jade's chest.

"Tori, I didn't come here so you could lose your virginity while wasted!, I came here so you wouldn't be alone and I am going to take care of you!"

Tori drunkenly shook her head "You don't love me!"

Jade stepped forward. "You know very well I _**do**_ love you and that's the main reason why I'm not going to take you on this couch when you at your most vulnerable, I don't want you to feel terrible tomorrow morning and regret your actions, I want our first time to be special."

"I don't feel so good."

Jade closed the distance between them. "Then maybe you need to lie down."

Tori just stood there with an odd expression her face. "What I need is to go to the bathroom before I..."

Too late, she puked.

A few minutes later both teenagers were in the bathrooom, a trail of vomit was seen from the living room to the toilet, where Tori continued to release the contents of her stomach.

Jade was holding her girlfriend's hair the entire time.

When Tori felt she couldnt puke anymore she finally crawled away from the toilet.

The Goth looked at her with worried eyes "Tori"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you wont drink again"

"What?"

"Promise me!"

"Ugh not so loud!"

**_"TORI!"_**

"You have my word Jade"

"Perfect" She said "Now let's get you off those dirty clothes"

"Ohh we're gonna have fun in the shower?"

_**"VEGA!"**_

"Not so loud!" She whined "My head hurts"

"Good, I hope you learned that alcohol is not the answer to your problems" Jade said with a rather serious tone "It never is"

The tanned girl swore she could see a look of disappointment in her lover's face.

Tori had to take a shower, more accurately Jade _had_ to give her a shower, she had to resist the urge to eye-fuck her girlfriend during this time, it was hardly appropriate or dignified, the goth was not happy about what had transpired, and in her mind she cursed Holly for turning her normally cheery girlfriend into **_this_**.

_"If I ever see you again Holly I'm going to stab you"_

After the shower, Jade took Tori in her arms, bridal style.

No words were said after that.

Jade never told Mr Vega what had happened that night, she wanted to, she really did.

But the last thing she wanted was to get Tori in trouble, she only told him that Holly had appeared and made Tori emotionally unstable for a few hours.

Mr Vega was livid to say the least and had put a restraining order against a his ex-wife.

Jade wished that would be enough to erase the painful events of that night and that things could move forward.

She hoped, she really hoped for Tori overcoming that night.

But she was wrong.

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter two was rather short, I suppose this story is a chalk singe to myself because I usually write big ass story, I want to see if I could write small things.<span>_**

**_As you all noticed, Jade has a dislike for booze, you'll find out why in a future chapter._**

**_I also want to make one thing clear, I'm NOT gay, I simply support gay rights and the purpose of the story is to point out just how terrible it is that religion can destroy families in some cases and even make the victim do self-destructing things in a moment of despair._**

**_Its sad that it can ruin the emotional life of some people when religion is suppose to do the opposite!_**

**_anyways what do you guys think?_**

**_Many of you are sure to hate Holly right now, no?_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	3. AA Meeting

**_Disclaimer: Do we really need this? What? We do? Ok then, Victorious belongs to Dan, I own squat!_**

**_Author Notes: Ok I'm sure many of you want to know why Jade hates alcohol so much and you will but I decided that the first few chapters it would be about Tori and her going down The rabbit hole so to speak._**

**_There is a time skip in this chapter, Tori is now out of high school, around 22 years old, eventually we will go back to the Hollywood Arts years so uh head it's a sad chapter be warned!_**

* * *

><p>Tori was sitting in a chair along with several other people around her, she felt a bit out of place, she wanted to leave but couldn't do so for two very important reasons.<p>

Number one; her misery needed to end, she wanted to show Jade she could hold onto her promise, if she did otherwise the goth would know and her last chance would go down the drain.

Number two; Trina was blocking her only escape route.

Her older sister watched her like a hawk, _"This is for your own good baby sis"_

_"How did things get so messed up?" _The Half-Latina thought miserably.

A man was standing in the middle of the circle of chairs "I see some familiar faces today" He said rather pleasantly, Tori didn't like that, he sounded like this was a simple meeting and it wasn't, not by a long shot.

"But I also see a bunch of new faces as well, so to the newcomers lets starts by resiting the twelve steps to help you being free from the pains of alcohol"

The members started to resite the twelve steps, a few with contempt in their eyes, almost as if they were feeling they **_shouldn't_** be here in the first place like it was some form of punishment, while other members simply spoke them with nothing but respect.

Tori spoke them slowly, her head lowered in shame.

_1. We admitted we were powerless __over alcohol, that our lives had __become unmanageable._

_2. Came to believe that a Power __greater than ourselves could restore __us to sanity._

_3. Made a decision to turn our will __and our lives over to the care of God __as we understood Him._

_4. Made a searching and fearless __moral inventory of ourselves._

_5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and __to another human being the exact __nature of our wrongs._

_6. Were entirely ready to have God __remove all these defects of character._

_7. Humbly asked Him to remove our __shortcomings._

_8. Made a list of all persons we had __harmed, and became willing to make __amends to them all._

_9. Made direct amends to such people __wherever possible, except when to do __so would injure them or others._

_10. Continued to take personal __inventory and when we were wrong __promptly admitted it._

_11. Sought through prayer and __meditation to improve our conscious_

_contact with God as we understood h__im, praying only for knowledge of his __will for us and the power to carry that __out._

_12. Having had a spiritual awakening __as the result of these steps, we tried __to carry this message to alcoholics, __and to practice these principles in all __our affairs._

The irony of asking God for help was not lost to Tori.

Afterwards many of them exclaimed, "What an order!"

A woman stood up from her chair.

"Good evening, everyone. My name is Lisa and I'm a recovered alcoholic."

"Hi Lisa" The members said simoltaniously.

She began to tell us her experience with drinking how she lost her husband, her children not speaking to her and being friendless for the better part of her recovery.

Everyone had their chance to tell their experiences.

Some were quite sad stories while others led to self destruction, not once did anyone make a remark about what led them to their own downfall.

Now it was Tori's Turn.

The Half-Latina sighs dejectedly, there was no avoiding this, she looked into the eyes of Trina, who gave her a small encouraing smile.

"Hi I'm Tori and I'm a recovering alcoholic"

"Hi Tori"

"I been sober for the past... three days" She said slowly "And it hasnt been easy, I know it doesn't seem like much time to any of you and it probably isn't but to me it's been hell... Before any of this started I kept hearing how much people get their lives destroyed by constant drinking and I used to think oh that's never going to happen to me... Now I know it can happen to just anyone"

Many members mumbled in agreement.

"I started drinking when I was eighteen" Tori confessed "It wasnt _planned_, but I actually was in a lot of pain the night it all started, I just didnt know what to do, so I drowned my sorrows in vodka, I honestly didn't want to feel anything at that point in time, I wasn't sure just how to handle the situation, I mean my mother had trouble with my sexuality and tried to_ ¨fix me¨"_

The last part was said in disgust, something that was not lost to Trina, she couldn't blame her, both sisters had lost all the respect they once had for their mom.

A gay man next to Tori squeezed her shoulder to comfort her, knowing exactly what she was talking about, while a woman to her right squeezed her leg.

Other AA members gay and straight alike felt sympathy for the Latina, coming out was never an easy thing even today.

"Thank you" She said honestly "Anyways after I started drinking my girlfriend showed up and she was furious with me, in fact it was the first time I saw hatred directed at me... It scared me but I was too deep into my drink to give it a second thought and well, one thing led to another and after an argument I passed out, I don't recall much of what happened afterwards but I _**do**_ remember promising Jade that I would stop drinking for her"

Here she stopped for a few seconds to recolect her thoughts "But as you know I didn't exactly nailed it, the sole fact that I'm here with all of you is testament of that, I tried to stop and I'm... I'm _still_ trying to stay sober but that's easier said than done"

"Tell us more Tori" Lisa said soothingly "Get it all out"

The half-Latina held her hands together nervously, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a few seconds, just when it seemed she wasn't going to continue with her story, Tori opened her eyes and said bitterly "I continued drinking because of Holly... my _mother_, she just kept showing up, and I don't exactly mean _physically_, there was a restraining order on her after all but she fond a loophole and had people calling me, she sent bible thumpers to my dorm and it was too hard to handle a day where she didn't get into my life somehow, she never let me have a moment if peace, she never let be happy and I hated her for that, I know now she isn't going to change her mind, that's why I decided to cut her out of my life but that decision ended up hurting me more than I thought it would, I mean even if I haven't seen her in a long time she's still my mom after all"

Trina has tears in her eyes, hearing her sister's confesion was a first for her.

"That's when things got out of control" She admitted reluctantly "I kept drinking every other night, Jade was always on my case, I always thought of it as nothing more then meaningless words, that is until I... I... I... Did something I never thought I would."

"Tori we don't judge here" Lisa gave her a go on smile "Tell us what happened, its how the healing begins"

The tanned girl nodded reluctantly "I... _Hit_ Jade... It was the worst think I could have ever done, after that things were never the same, I screwed up big time and felt I destroyed a wonderful relationship, it was the stroke that broke the camel's back because next thing I knew Jade left, she left me and I felt betrayed for a very long time, but then when I remembered seeing the dissapointment in Jade's face and I couldn't help but think of all the times that I broke my promise... Of all the times that I let her down, it hurt it was unlike any other form of pain."

Tori puts her hand over her mouth, choking in sobs "Now she's not talking to me and I miss her, I miss her so much... I dont even know where she's living now and it hurts so damn much to know that I drove her away, she was the best thing that ever happen to me and I drove her away"

A few people gave her sympathetic stares while others simply muttered "Drama queen".

Nevertheless she continued with her story "I wanted things to go back to normal, to have her to hold me in her arms on a cold night, I want her to kiss me good night, bottom line I want her back in my life... After what happened I didn't think it was possible but then one night I received a letter, no address or even _who_ wrote it, but I just _knew_ who it was _from_ because on the piece of paper there were six words that said,_ life isn't the same without you"_

Trina nodded, after all she had delivered the letter on Jade's behalf much to the ignorance of her sister.

"That's why I'm here, she's giving me one last change and I'm not about to blow it, so I will continue coming to these meeting, if not for me then for Jade, because I love her more than anything and I want her back... I want to be happy again but most of all I want her to be proud of me, to show her she can trust me again...Thank you for listening"

a few member clapped.

Trina smiled as she clapped _"I'm proud of you baby sis"_

That night the older Vega went to tell Jade how things on the meeting had gone.

* * *

><p><strong><span><em>Chapter 3 was rather depression, more so than the previous ones, this serves as a call for everyone who has problems drinking if you have them or know anyone who is an alcoholic, don't just stand there, get help or get them help.<em>**

**_after all, alcoholism can be beaten with help, that's what AA is there for!_**

**_On another note, yes Trina is a spy for Jade._**

**_next chapter: Flashbacks. _**

**_anyways what do you guys think?_**

**_Many of you are sure to REALLY hate Holly right now, no?_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	4. Revelation And Despair

**_Disclaimer: Do we really need this? Still? What? We do? Ok then, Victorious belongs to Dan, I own squat!_**

**_Author Notes: Ok I'm sure many of you want to know why Jade hates alcohol so much and you're in luck because you'll find out bellow... Be warned it's not pretty._**

**_There is still a time skip in this story, many of you weren't happy that I didn't "physically" put Jade in the last chapter, I did that so it would show how different Tori would be without Jade around, still I'm gonna make up for that and give you all some Jade moments... So... enjoy._**

* * *

><p>Trina knocked on the door to Jade's apartment, like she promised she wouldn't be telling Tori where she was staying, it was the only way the Goth would heal from the emotional anguish.<p>

A few seconds later, the door opened revealing a very sleepy looking woman.

"God Trina, do you know what time it is?"

"Its 9:30" Trina replied dryly "Where you sleeping?"

"I was"

"Ok... Why were you asleep so early?"

"I had several things to do today and I'm tired as hell, now stop playing twenty questions and tell me why **_are_** you here before I shut the door on your face!"

"I just wanted to let you know about Tori's progress" Trina started to say proudly "Nearly six months without a single drop of alcohol touching her lips"

"Oh whop-y-do!" Jade said sarcastically while moving her index finger in mock celebration.

"What? It's the truth!" Trina huffed indignantly.

"Oh Really?" Jade asked skeptically "And how pray tell do you know she _**hasn't**_ been drinking at night when your not awake or when your not at home?"

"Because I live with her, West!" The brunette said defensively.

"I hardly believe that is enough proof" Jade snarled "You aren't exactly the most observant person when it comes to your sister"

"Ok, believe me when I say that I check **_everywhere_** in the apartment whenever I get home to see if she is hiding any booze"

"Every day?

"Yes"

"How about when she's out?" Jade asked, still having trouble believing what she was hearing "You do know she _**can**_ buy beer and drink it on the street? **_Right_** Trina?!"

"She could" The older Vega admitted reluctantly "But she isn't"

"Oh? And What makes you so sure of that?"

"Because our dad is a _cop_" Trina pointed out rather smugly "He has a breathalyzer, if my sister's been drinking and if her breath smelled like alcohol, trust me _I_ would know"

"A little extreme don't you think?"

"It is, but to be fair it wasn't my idea"

"It wasn't?"

"Nope, it was Tori's"

Jade's eyes widened in surprise "Really?"

"Yeah, she wants to prove she's keeping her promise"

_"Took her long enough"_ Jade thought rather bitterly but kept it to herself, opting to say out loud with fake sincerity "Well thanks for the update I'll see you in a few days"

"Jade wait!" Trina yelled before the Goth managed to shut the door "Look I know you still have issues with what Tori did but don't you think it's time for you to see her?"

"Let me make one thing clear _**Trina**_," The Goth said with an ominous tone that sent chills down the older woman's spine "Your sister has broken the same fucking promise to me over and over for the past four years"

"I know but..."

"For fuck's sake she **_knew_** how my mother died!... She knew she was run over by a goddamned drunk driver!" Jade raged with such hatred in her green eyes "Then the bastard had the nerve to even run away from the scene, he left my mother's body behind, like it was nothing more than trash! It was fucking disgusting... but that did him no good, people saw him and the cops eventually arrested his sorry ass"

Trina's eyes widened "Jade... I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't know"

The pale woman narrowed her eyes "Don't you **_dare_** feel sorry for me... I hate it when people pity me for that, she and I may have never gotten along but she was my **_mother_** and she was taken from me because of some drunken asshole! I was so angry Trina... For a very long time I wanted to kill him, torture him, make him **_feel_** the same pain I felt for what he did to me... For what he did to my dad and my brother"

The older brunette wanted to give some sort of comfort to her sister's ex, and she did, thinking quickly, she grabbed Jade's left hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Jade's eyes met Trina's eyes, nothing was said, but there wasn't any needs for words, she could tell that the what the brown eyes were saying, the same damn eyes that she shared with Tori Held the same pity and compassion.

And she hated it.

Jade quickly took her hand away from Trina's, like it was on fire.

"You want to know what the cherry on the top of this messed up deal is?"

Trina nodded.

"That despite her **_knowing_** why I have such a strong hatred for booze she still kept abusing it like it was no big deal, every night before bed I could see her drinking a bottle of vodka like it didn't fucking matter, well guess what? It mattered to me and what does she do? Your sister had the audacity to ignored my worries and tell me to **_chill_**!"

Trina gasped, she obviously didn't know that.

_"Guess Tori has some skeletons in the closet"_

"God Trina for weeks I had **_nightmares_** of her **_dying_** in my arms with a bottle of booze in her hands! Like it was her lifeline or like her liver gave out or something I don't know!, but do you know what's that like?!" She asked rhetorically "Having to witness someone you love going through their own little slice of hell over and over again and the only thing you can do is hearing a denial every time and then seeing her going down that horrible path despite working diligently to prevent it so many times only to be met with no success and a feeling of despair!, _**HUH? DO YOU?!**_"

Trina opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, trying to come up with something, _anything_ to say that might be enough to change the Goth's mind but her mind was a blank, she was just too stunned.

"What? Nothing to say?" Jade sneered "Oh sure Tori's sorry **_now_** but guess what? Her apology is meaningless to me at the moment and to be fair... That's why I left... I left her because I refused to accept her apology one more time, knowing she would eventually lie to my face again or **_worse_** seeing her die at the hands of her alcoholism!"

Trina could see unshod tears in the goth's eyes _ "Oh no"_

"And I refuse to see her dead body!" Jade growled "So you'll have to excuse me if I don't think I can forgive Tori right now"

Once again the goth was about to close the door, already feeling weary from the emotional anguish her ex had given her this night.

"Jade, wait! Listen to me" Trina pleaded "I'm not saying that what Tori did was right and I get that your angry, I'm angry with her too, more then you know but you got to realize that she isn't the same person she was, after she stopped drinking she's changed and for the better, just ask anyone in and out of her AA group, they'll tell you I'm not lying, my baby sister is _almost_ like she was before she became al alcoholic!"

_"Almost?"_

Trina nodded "Yes, **_almost_** because you're the one thing missing in her life, she misses you Jade, so much... And she wants to see you, you are all she talks about and it kills me that I can't tell her where you live, so look next Tuesday is her six month celebration for being sober and it would mean so much to her if you would show up"

"I miss her too" Jade admitted "But how do I know she wont start drinking again if we get back together?"

"For the same reason as to why she hasn't missed one single AA meeting during this past semester, for the same reason she's been asking me for help for fear of a relapse and for the same reason she's been submitting to the breathalyzer... Because she loves you"

The younger woman watched her companion for any sign of a lie, Jade was skeptical to eveN trust the older Vega, after all she could be lying so she cold get back with Tori quicker but that thought went out the window when she saw the sincerity in those brown eyes, so she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Jade sighed "I'll think about it"

Trina gave her a weak smile "That's all I ask"

Jade closed the door.

* * *

><p><strong><span><em>Chapter 4 was an explanation behind Jade's hatred for booze, I know I said I was going to show a few flashbacks but I decided to show this instead, it's depressing and it fits my mood as of late.<em>**

**_I'm not going to elaborate here but I will say that family got hit rather hard with the loss of a beloved member so there's been a dark cloud going around for the past few days._**

**_next chapter: the Flashbacks... I promise._**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	5. Looking Back

**_Like I promise here are a few flashbacks._**

* * *

><p>Tori was was alone in her apartment, Trina had gone out to who knows where, normally she would worry her older sister would be stalking some poor guy but now she could care less, she knew she was being rather cold and she felt a bit guilty for being indifferent towards Trina's outside activities.<p>

But her inner pain snuffed out the guilt, she hated being alone, ever since early childhood she hated when her parents often went out leaving her and Trina by themselves.

Then Trina often left to try and get some form of popularity.

Tori remembers how in early childhood she used to have imaginary friends, then she grew up and had real friend.

Tori smiled sadly.

She was often reminiscent of her time in Hollywood Arts when she was all he, after all there was not much to do when you sent away your friends after so much you told them to stop.

Tori was naive, she thought, Andre, Cat and Robbie would come back but eventually they stopped trying to make her stop drinking.

When Jade was the last one to leave, it hurt like hell.

"I miss you" She wept silently.

Tori lays on her bed, sadly looking at a photo of them, on their first date.

The Half-Latina often saw this picture of then holding hands and recall when and how she came to realise her feelings for Jade.

Back then it was a nightmare, today it was pretty funny.

* * *

><p>"Jade you are by far the<em><strong> worst<strong> _human being on the planet!"

"No Vega" The Goth said coyly "That honor is reserved for your sister"

"Why do you keep doing this?!" Tori yelled out "Do you want to give me a heart attack?! Is that it?!"

"Now that you mention it..."

"You are imposible!" The Latina snapped "I dont know why I keep trying to be your friend!"

"Not a day goes by I dont ask myself the same question"

"Ugh I'm out of here!"

With that Tori walked out of the classroom, she was not about to spend anymore time with the ganky Goth

"I swear as soon as I get home I will..."

"Oh Jade!" A voice not to far away said with a tone that made it soung a bit too sexual for Tori's liking "You are too mean to me!"

_"What the?"_

"Well thought luck Vega!" Another voice said evilly.

Tori walked into a nearby hallway, she didnt know what this was about but was going to find out.

When she made it to the lockers she saw two girls,they didnt look familiar but may e because they were wearing gruesome makes ups.

The first girl was a blond with a petite figure who was wearing something akin of Freddi Krugger while the other was a redhead which seemed to be a female version make up of Darth Maul. they seem to be in some sort of twisted roleplay.

"How many times do I have to tell you that we arent friends!" The blonde mocked.

"Why wont you accept my friendship?" The redhead asked in mock sweetness "You know you want to"

"The only thing I want is to bury you alive!"

"What if I bury you with me?"

Tori found this unsettling_ "Ok note to self no more figthing with Jade in public places"_

Both girls started to giggle uncontrollably.

"How long do you think they'll keep this up?" The redhead asked her friend.

"I dunno but I hope they give it up soon I mean come on this getting old!"

_"What's getting old?" _Tori wondered.

"You're right, anyone can see thone two are full of sexual tension!"

Brown eyes widened in shock_** "What?!"**_

"True, I'm surprised neither of them has made the first move"

_"No...Nononononononononono"_ She repated like a mantra I side her head _"They can't be saying what I think they are saying!"_

"You think they do this as show?" The blonde asked curiously "Both of them do too good of a job at it, it's too perfect to be fake"

"I know what you mean, it wouldn't surprise me if they secretly did stuff"

_"Those two girls don't know what they are talking about!" _The brunette thought indignantly.

"Maybe they do...I mean it would explain **_why_** the janitor's closet was marked as _their_ place"

Tori started to take shallow breaths _"This cant be right, are they really insinuating that **Jade and I** are... Are...together?... As **IN** together?!"_

"How much do you wanna bet that Jade wears the pants in the relationship?"

That's all Tori needed to hear, struck by a sense of utter horror, the tanned girl could only do one thing.

**_"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

She ran out of the school, screaming all the way to her house.

* * *

><p>Then Trina came into the equation, it was the first but not the last time Tori cursed and loved to have Trina as an older sister.<p>

* * *

><p>Trina walked into the house, she wanted to watch this new reality tv after such a stressfull day at school but was greeted by an unexpected sight.<p>

"Tori?"

_**"WHAT?!"**_

"What is all this?" The older brunette asked seeing several magazines littered all over the living room, she silently grabbed a magazine from the couch.

"Don't touch it!" Tori yelled "It's mine!"

Trina ignored her little sister as she inspected the magazine, inside were many photos that no doubt were meant to do one thing and while she herself suddenly was feeling a bit _wet_ down there, she slightly doubted that it was having the same effect on Tori, after several minutes of silence she finally gazed at her.

"This is the first time I seen you finally getting interested in male pornography," She said slowly "I'm guessing you finally heard about the rumors revolving around you and that goth freak?"

**_"YOU KNEW ABOUT IT?!"_**

"Hard to ignore it when half the school talk about it 24/7" Trina answered "Gotta admit, I didn't think it would take you so long to find out"

"But...How... When...Who...Did..."

"Ok I'm gonna answer the obvious question here" Trina said "The rumor has been going around for the last three months"

**_"THREE MONTHS!" _**

"Calm down Tori!"

"Do not tell me to call down!" Tori snarled "How can anyone _think _that Jade and I can be a couple?! **_SHE HATES ME_**!"

"And yet your the person she spends most time with" Trina pointed out "And the fact that you never send her away kinda fuled the rumor"

"It was you!" Tori accused "You started the rumor! How could you do this to me Trina?!"

"Ok one, lower your voice, two. we go go to an Arts School so you have nothing to worry about homophobic idiots, three, and more importantly I didn't do it. Why would I want you to have attention when people should be taking about **_me_**?"

Tori had to agree that her sister's selfish diva attitude released her of any wrong doing.

"Then who started it?!"

"Wish I knew" Trina shrugged "I heard it from Lindsay who heard it from Robbie who _claims_ heard it from Cat, so basically it's a long list of people who heard it from a friend or acquaintance"

"This can't be happening!" Tori whined as she puts her face in her hands "Why didnt you tell me?"

"Honestly?" She asked calmly "I thought you and Jade were having a secret relationship and I hoped you would come clean about it"

The younger Vega got up from the sofa and gave her sister a glare that could melt metal "Listen to me Trina, Jade and I are **_NEVER_** going to happen, **_SHE_** hates me! _I_ don't even know if we're friends, and most importantly she's straight and so am I!"

"Denial is not your strong suit baby sis"

"I'm not denying anything!"

"Seriously Tori" Trina spoke smoothly "The way you two argue it makes it seem like you are already married"

_"Stop it! Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it!" _Tori yelled while putting her hands over her ears_** "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I can't hear you, blablablabla!" **_

"Oh real mature"

"I'm being completely rational!"

"Sure, keep telling yourself that" Trina said "But you know what they say baby sis, opposites attract"

**_"For the last time!" _**The younger Vega bellowed "Jade and I will never be anything more than semi-friends!"

"Sorry, to tell you this, but most of the student body already think you and Jade are an item"

"Trina!" The Half-Latina said exasperatedly "I don't think you get this so let me be perfectly clear so you know just how serious I'm being, the moment Jade and I become a couple which I insist will **_never__ EVER_** happen I swear, I will eat my bra and panties in the middle of the cafeteria!"

with that she left to her room.

Trina took out her phone and speed dialed a number.

After three rings, someone answered.

"Hello? Cat? You were right, she is **_so_** in denial"

"Jade is too" The redhead replied on the other line, Trina was pretty sure she could hear Jade's cursing in the background.

Two months later Tori _did_ eat her bra and panties.

* * *

><p><em>"Things were so much simpler back then... Sniff... Sniff... Oh Jade... I miss you."<em>

_"So much"_

The poor brunette cried herself to sleep that night.

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>Well that's it for the chapter, next time I'll have some Jade flashbacks.<strong>_

_**Just to let you all know I won't be updating this story until next year, I'm working on a Sam and Cat Christmas fic I'm hoping to post soon and that's taking a bit of my time, so keep your eyes out for that one.**_

_**Anyways, what did you guys think?**_

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


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